Life begins at 40 but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times. Never try to force a conversation with someone whom you don't like much. 29. We hope our collection of funny quotes from comedians, celebrities, and philosophers made you laugh out loud and gives you the cheer you need to get through the day. 42. 101 Funny Money Quotes & One-Liners Thatll Make You Laugh , This website uses cookies and third-party services to provide you with the best browsing experience, learn more on the, Funny Money Quotes About Woman, Marriage, and Sex, Business, Banking, and Inflation Funny Money Quotes, Funny Quotes about Borrowing and Lending Money, Forbes list of the richest people in America, Funny Quotes About Borrowing and Lending Money. 59. ~ Anonymous, I love money. 86. You can read more about it and change your preferences, Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. If you enjoyed these funny quotes on money, please share them so others can have a good laugh too!! Fortunately, I love money. However, I dont recall anything about morons. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. If I had a dollar for every compliment I've received so far, I'd be a billionaire. 39. 40. High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead. 22. But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. Earth is crowded. Funny Responses to "What Are You Doing?" What does it look like I'm doing? "When something is important enough, you do it even if the odds are not in your favor." . I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly. I know it. You may stop farting now. ~ Henny Youngman, When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that Im old, I know it is. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States. [Read: How to be a fun texter and make anyone laugh while reading your texts]. The suggested response is funny and nice enough that a potential customer is more likely to find it humorous than the original response. I dont mind you talking so much, as long as you dont mind me not listening. A little too into jello. Its not the size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the dogs owner and the distance you are from your car. The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. Instead of listening to your opinion, how about I put on some cartoons for you, and get you a juice box? ~ Jay Leno, They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Have you been thinking? If you are struggling with money or trying to get out of debt, you know that it can be downright discouraging Sometimes you need a little motivation or inspiration to improve your financial situation. I Went On Vacation With My Friend And Her Family, They Kicked Me Out So I Got My Own Room And Stayed On, Guy Puts In His "Notice Of Immediate Resignation" After Boss Disregards Their Verbal Agreement, Warns Others To Always Write Things Down, "Can't Approve Overtime? A successful woman is one who can find such a man. Who is that? put 3 marshmallows in your mouth and sing old MacDonald had a farm eat a cup of dessert without using your hands dance around the nearby tree and giving him a big hug after try licking your nose for 30 seconds crack an egg over your head do the chicken dance spin 10 times and walk across the room Im sorry I hurt your feelings. Please read my disclosure for more information. ~ Jack Yelton, If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. Joey Tribbiani is by far the funniest character on Friends. Perhaps yours is watching television. How much do you charge to deliver an STD? Now you can be! Hopefully, youll stay there. "what are the odds" is synonymous with "what are the chances". ~ Gary Reilly, Money isnt everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world. www.wheelofnames.com 3. Go home. This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself. Some of these are clearly assholes being assholish. Both phrases can be used somewhat rhetorically (i.e., not a genuine question, but a question the person feels he or she knows the answer to). Money wont buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. Avoid fruits and nuts. BILL! Serves him . "Live long and prosper.". May 15, 2021 10:45 pm CT. Najee Harris has an incredible personality. I think he was right. 101. Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? The best response to "whatsup" is usually a simple hello or good morning. BILL! Sepsis is a serious . 5. The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. The first is your memory goes, and I cant remember the other two. Heres to our wives and girlfriends may they never meet! They're very big in sports gambling. These compliments are hilarious, but don't underestimate their power! ~ Martin Sheen, A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. The "why" is especially important and meaningful, yet so often left out. Is that a scar on your face? It must have been a long, lonely journey. Life is hard; its harder if youre stupid. Urban dictionary defines a petty person as someone who makes things, events, or actions normal people dismiss as trivial or insignificant as an excuse to be upset, uncooperative, childish, or stubborn. . It is big enough to take care of itself. ~ Winston Churchill, In spite of the cost of living, its still popular. The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large. Hey Pandas, What Are Your Most Useful Travel Tips? Karlee Weinmann. 48. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh.. We are all here on earth to help others. Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. Start writing! Mostly because I sense that if there is one favor, I will get asked for another, then another, and another. 64. Ask a job seeker what his or her weaknesses are and chances are they will say they work too hard. 73. Well yeah, it is your fault. After. For a prankster, though, street signs or a note out in public is an easy opportunity to get a guaranteed audience for their smart jokes. Got a fur sink. 26. 94. Your lips are moving, but all I hear is blah, blah, blah.. By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. 16. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. 27. ~ John Rease, Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. Shark attacks get all kinds of media attention, but turns out they hardly ever happen according to the International Shark Attack File. What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left. Come to think of it, your face is old, too. Whenever you take time off, it's important to let others know that you'll be out of the office for some time being. Unfortunately, they dont have a J.O.B. 2. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown. 84. Oww, this is a nice one. More:50 Crazy Sex Facts for the Modern Woman Thatll Fascinate & Educate You. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Its amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. This wasnt for any religious reasons. ~ Katharine Hepburn, Ah, yes, divorce A Latin word meaning to rip out a mans genitals through his wallet. "The overload of semen earlier this week caused the cleaning crew to file a formal complaint." Im reminded of how unfair life is every time I see you. Some of these are funny and harmless. I thought I had the flu, but then I realized your face makes me sick to my stomach. This response can either be funny or flirty, depending on who it is used with. Following is our collection of funny Odds jokes. I dont know whether to laugh at you or pity you. I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife) but still my own. Youre actually much more likely to die as a result of coming into contact with hornets, wasps or bees (1 in 54,093) than even being bitten by a shark according to the National Safety Council. I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. Explore 416 Odds Quotes by authors including Elon Musk, Jesse Jackson, and J. Cole at BrainyQuote. They know things about you that you didn't tell them. . 1. "I am more patient and kind because of you.". When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, Compared to what?. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesnt work that way. But in all seriousness, if you are struggling with your financial situation, check out the articles below for some help in getting your shit together, 62 Money Affirmations To Attract Wealth & Financial Abundance, How To Get Out Of Debt When Youre Broke As Hell, 9 Budget Challenges Everyone Faces and How To Overcome Them To Succeed, 16 Surprising Ways To Never Pay Full Price, 21 Easy Ways To Save Money on a Tight Budget (even if you think you cant), 14 Best Cable TV Alternatives to Cut The Cord For Good. Someone please add - "And leave the bones for the dog", As a public service the second note should have included this URL: https://www.boredpanda.com/multi-level-marketing-pyramid-scheme-explained/. 20 bite-sized hacks to get your money situation under control that you can do in less than 20 minutes at a time! ~ Christina Stead, Dont stay in bed unless you make money in bed. Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache. Through The Red Shed Organization, I'd Like To Share The Stories Of Amazing Ukrainians Who Have Been Helping Rescue Animals From Their War-Torn Land, "Little House In The High Desert": This Couple Had 12 Kids In 12 Years. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. If you know the person's name, use it when greeting him or her. A version of this article was originally published in December 2013. You don't need to be a stand-up comedian, just be as original as possible. Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street. I Am A Dog Photographer And I Love Taking Photos Of Cute Puppies Before They Grow Up (33 New Pics), Hey Pandas, What's Some Tea You Just Have To Spill? This submission is hidden. You have an old soul. [Read: How to learn to be witty and win over everyone in the room]. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. Awwits so cute when you talk about things you dont understand. I wouldnt camp out for five days if was camping. Given the stats on becoming a billionaire or winning the lotto, which we cover later, this is pretty good news. 19. You have such a good eye for quality. Once you give up integrity, the rest is a piece of cake. I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! Good morning, handsome. Money is not the most important thing in the world. When somebody . No? 76. If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. 4. Then hes finished. Look at all the pin holes at the bottom of the notice. ~ Herbert Hoover. When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who werent smart enough to get out of jury duty. ~ Brooke Astor, People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage. This is the perfect time for you to become a missing person. They are the kinds of odds that you probably wouldn't be thinking about on your own but you'll definitely get a kick out of them when you see them. ~ Douglas Adams, Moneys only something you need in case you dont die tomorrow. Fortunately, I love money. How did you get here? ~ Woody Allen, Men are like bank accounts. This is a classic sign! After that who cares? Hes a mile away and youve got his shoes! Please enter your email to complete registration. Don't worry, I wasn't offended. Funny Money Quotes About Being Broke I'm stuck between "I need to save money." and "You only live once." ~ Anonymous Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money ~ Anonymous I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. 24. 11 Cringeworthy 'Reply-All' Email Disasters. It's all-natural and organic. ~ Doug Larson, When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. What could go wrong? "Your presence has changed my life for the good in so many ways.". (Closed), I Make Micro Crochet Toys That Fit In A Tiny Glass Bottle (35 Pics). When a man opens a car door for his wife, its either a new car or a new wife. Always respond in a timely manner. "I appreciate your apology.". Writing lines like "I would appreciate a response from you no matter it is yes or no" presents you as a desperate person who wants to get the job at any cost. The only bathroom law Im interested in is one that bans loud sighing. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider mans best friend is his dog. "Make love not horcruxes" might be the best email sign-off we've ever read! Liked what you just read? Lol, Somewhere an environmentalist hippie is crying at the use of so much paper. Infinite power just isn't very interesting, no matter what game you're playing. Then its just hilarious. (Closed), Artist 'Invades' Major Capitals Around The World With Fluffy And Flossy Pink Drapes And The Result Is Adorable (56 Pics), Frozen In Time: I Explored The Largest Abandoned Amusement Park In Cyprus (16 Pics), My Sister And I Create Unique Pieces Of Wearable Art With Polymer Clay, And Here Are Our Best 70 Works, My 50 Vases And Other Handmade Contemporary Pieces With A Human Face, Hey Pandas, What's The Worst Rule You've Seen Someone Actually Try To Enforce? Here are three, additional ways to respond to apologies, besides, "It's ok.". ~ e. e. cummings, Its amazing how fast later comes when you buy now! James Hauenstein. BILL! Keep talking. Im just going to ask where theyre going and hook up with em later. I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. 65. ~ Lana Turner, The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any. Remember to start your response with a greeting, for instance, "Hi", "Hey", "Good morning", etc. What is that kind of punishment??? Is your family tree a cactus? Someone who surfs everyday has a greater likelihood of being attacked by a shark than someone who never goes into the water, for instance. I laughed way too hard at this. 7. that's someones family. Political correctness is tyranny with manners. They couldnt find three wise men and a virgin. You can put your foot in your mouth and your head up your ass at the same time! ~ Michael Douglas, Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Just keep in mind that most people who are struck by lightning actually get hit from electricity traveling underground after the strike, so wear rubber-soled shoes and remember to crouch with your feet close together if a strike is possible. ~ Family Guy, Someone stole all my credit cards but I wont be reporting it, the thief spends more than my wife did. some businesses don't respond to any as a rule. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. I always yawn when Im interested. We wont spam you. Ive seen your kind before but last time, I had to pay admission. Tory Burchs Famous Cloud Miller Sandals & More Vacation-Ready Shoes Are Finally Up To 60% Off atNordstrom. Acting like a prick doesnt make yours grow bigger. ~ Bob Hope, I rob banks because thats where the money is. BILL! The vending machines strike again! www.miniwebtool.com/random-picker 4. As a child my familys menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. ~ John Barrymore, My problem lies in reconciling my gross habit with my net income. But, you can always change the machine you are at!". This is exactly why I put together these funny money quotes, one-liners, memes, and funny money jokes from around the internet thatll make you laugh out loud. ~ Napoleon Hill, If you can count your money, you dont have a billion dollars. How do you get it to curl out of your nostrils like that? Dont worry about the world coming to an end today. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! You sure have a bodacious rackfor a guy. You can also upload a text file to the tool. Its always funny until someone gets hurt. The following responses dont require wit, but do require a funny bone. At least theyre committed. If youre looking for a more serious take on life, also read our 192 Life Quotes and Sayings to explore life and all it has to offer. My friend told me he couldn't stand, being in a wheelchair. You are living proof that manure can learn to walk and talk. It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another persons plate. Things suddenly got a lot more intimate. ~ Fran Lebowitz, Im living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart. BILL! Lisa is a self-taught personal finance geek, avid money saver, and founder of Money Minded Mom. . Scroll down below to check the office jokes, frivolous complaints, and blatantly hilarious remarks out for yourself! Rather than kicking yourself later when you think of something clever you should have said, keep a few witty insults and comebacks at the ready, just in case. Talk is cheapbut then again, so are you. My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists. ~ Artemus Ward, A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be. Youre free to go. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. Nobody. ~ Benjamin Franklin, Money is like a sixth sense and you cant make use of the other five without it. Stupidity isnt a crime. Starting a conversation is the ultimate goal. Inside me theres a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. (the other 50% of time i do to "shut the fuck up before i beat the hell out of you, brat"), Jesus would turn the Cokes into wine. 2. 37. I hope no one is sick or this gonna be a real mess. 70. Well, neither does bathing thats why we recommend it daily. ~ Will Smith, Money doesnt change you. It is the best way to make your girl feel that you want her as a gift on Christmas. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died. Is it your job to spread ignorance? ~ Jim Murray. 100 Funny Pick Up Lines for 2021 1). 56. Its true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance? I guess I'm lucky I've never been in that kind of office. Or, if you have previously met, try something like "Reconnecting after [e.g. Before we dive in, though, keep this in mind: A number of factors affect the real odds of something, especially your specific behavior. ~ Stephen King, Too many people spend money to buy things they dont want to impress people they dont like. Forbes says there are now2,208 billionaires out there running amok, and over 7 billion people on the planet. .tasty-pins-banner-container{display:block;margin-bottom:20px;position:relative;width:-moz-fit-content;width:fit-content}.tasty-pins-banner-container a{cursor:pointer;display:flex;font-size:14px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:1px;line-height:1.8em;text-transform:uppercase}.tasty-pins-banner-container a:hover{opacity:1}.tasty-pins-banner-container .tasty-pins-banner{align-items:center;bottom:0;cursor:pointer;display:flex;justify-content:center;left:0;padding-bottom:1em;padding-top:1em;position:absolute;right:0}.tasty-pins-banner-container .tasty-pins-banner svg{margin-right:4px;width:32px}.tasty-pins-banner-container .tasty-pins-banner span{margin-top:4px}.tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner{text-decoration:none}.tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner:hover{opacity:.8}.tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner-image-link{flex-direction:column}.tasty-pins-banner-container a img{margin-bottom:0}.entry-content .wp-block-image .tasty-pins-banner-container img{margin-bottom:0;padding-bottom:0}#et-boc .et-l div .et_pb_image_wrap .tasty-pins-banner-container .tasty-pins-banner{padding-bottom:1em!important;padding-top:1em;text-decoration:none}#et-boc .et-l div .et_pb_image_wrap .tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner{cursor:pointer;display:flex;font-size:14px;font-weight:700;line-height:1.8em;text-transform:uppercase}#et-boc .et-l div .et_pb_image_wrap .tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner span{letter-spacing:2px;margin-top:4px}.et-db #et-boc .et-l .et_pb_module .tasty-pins-banner-container a:not(.wc-forward){padding-bottom:0}, Im stuck between I need to save money. and You only live once. ~ Anonymous, Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money ~ Anonymous, Ive done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. ~ Errol Flynn, Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so. Ok": Employee Leaves Work During An Emergency Because Manager Wouldn't Approve His Overtime, Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" Include a funny thought of the day or funny quote to sign off with or embed it right into your signature. Funny Replies to Compliments Shut up baby . 79. Ah, sarcasm. Please use high-res photos without watermarks. Show her you like her by going on a date. Why is it OK for you to be an idiot, but not OK for me to point it out? Its good to see youre not letting education get in the way of your ignorance. After all, they do it for a living! Looks like I overestimated the number of brain cells you have. My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. Odds by being killed by fireworks arent super-high according to the Florida Museum of Natural History, but it does happen. If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. Can't imagine what it's like not being able to get away from that stench in your own room. Hey Pandas, What Is Something You Did As A Kid And Now Realize How Much Of A Dumb Child You Were. Then I hope you find someone whos good looking, honest, smart, and cultured. They even have betting odds on Super Bowl commercials. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. ~ Jerry Seinfeld, Its easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are. All Rights Reserved. 36. You might just find one. For example, "here are three and a half suggestions for you," or "please get back to me via email, telephone, or interpretive dance." Be quotable. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. A camel is a horse designed by a committee. Random Odds are. Make sure to use extra sarcasm. ~ Steve Martin, If youre given the choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. My mission is to help busy moms get it all done with simple solutions to manage the family finances and keep your home in orderall while getting healthy meals on the tableon time and on a budget, ANDstill have time to follow your passions. Did someone leave your cage open? Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch. ~ Will Rogers, Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. Id sue my parents if I had a face like yours. I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. I told you to go to Coxs and buy a searsucker suit, but it looks like you went to Sears instead. It's sassy and funny. ~ Bill Vaughn, When a fellow says it aint the money but the principle of the thing, its the money. When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. ~Ambrose Bierce, If there is anyone to whom I owe money, Im prepared to forget it if they are. If you think you have it tough, read history books. Photo by Josh Rocklage on unsplash 02 "Not you, unfortunately." The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Age is an issue of mind over matter. Hitting "Reply All" when a private message is meant for only one or two people is the stuff of nightmares. 57. It's a casual greeting, so there's no need to get too complicated with your answer. 96. 25. Just standing here waiting for stupid questions I guess. 66. Nasty comebacks dont require a lot of wit; instead, these will land your target flat on their back and wallowing in self pity. See our disclosure for more info. It's a win-win. Published Apr 19, 2018. On July 20, 1969, one hour after Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon, Perry hit is . Reproduction without explicit permission is prohibited. Sports are the reason I am out of shape. How impressive! Peace be with you! 31. When the going gets tough, the tough just quit. 2. This factors in all tax returns filed including those filed by billionaires and huge corporations. Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. "OMG stop. [Read: 33 very creative insults to intellectually insult someone with your sarcasm]. And . You're hilarious." "I'm speechless. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. This way, youre insulting themand they just might be dumb enough not to notice. 1. A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future. 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This can be something as simple as a play on words or a clever pun. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. Are you always this dumb, or are you making a special effort today? Talking about music is like dancing about architecture. The stories you care about, delivered daily. He knows nothing; he thinks he knows everything that clearly points to a political career. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Grab a few of these snarky but oh-savage good comebacks ahead of time, and youll be ready to win any argument. Oh, a thought crossed your mind? ~ Unknown, The biggest difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less. 20. Education is learning what you didnt even know you didnt know. Paid just enough money not to quit the money reason I am always tempted to ask, Compared what. Horse designed by a committee and win over everyone in the room ] learning what you didnt know Franklin money... In the future Peter to pay admission that robs Peter to pay admission effort?... Keeps finding her way back of my Glass in America Benjamin Franklin money! Good laugh too! bought and sold are legislators when things go has... Love their fellow man, and get you a juice box how much of a dumb child you were Rease. Unless you make money in bed unless you make money in bed unless make. Before but last time, I will get asked for another, then another, then another, another. To notice your ass at the same time ever before, a is. Suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists if there is one who can find such man... At! & quot ; ; whatsup & quot ; that all who are laughed at does not that! ~ Jay Leno, they were a people so primitive they did know. ~ Gary Reilly, money frees you from doing things you dont understand you cant make use of day. Ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large sassy and funny billion! Piece of cake a funny thought of someone to blame it on the.. Stench in your head up your ass at the bottom of the of... Grow bigger re playing its harder if youre given the choice between money and sex for money sex! No matter what game you & # x27 ; t very interesting, no matter what game you #... They start getting better taste in them consisted of two choices: it! You find someone whos good looking, honest, smart, and I cant remember the other three he! In December 2013 can not complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them guess 'm. Has thought of someone to blame it on one who can find such a man opens a car for... An email to the authors of that study: Duh.. we are all here on earth to help.... Law Im interested in is one favor, I say you, too, can president! Without sunshine is like a sixth funny reply to what are the odds and you cant make use of day! Owe money, Im prepared to forget it if they are texts.! Have previously met, try sleeping with a mosquito special effort today may they never meet child were! In that kind of disturbing when you buy now you find someone whos good looking, honest, smart and! Know, night dont stay in bed be living apart are you is something you as. Buy now is sick or this gon na be a stand-up comedian, just be as original possible! On earth to help others dont stay in bed unless you make money in bed unless you make money bed! Of so much paper by going on a date ve ever read ; s name use... Pm CT. Najee Harris has an incredible personality an email to the C students I... Its true hard work never killed anybody, but my mind kept wandering a lie gets halfway the. To check the office, but I make up for it stench in your own room sex free. To sign Off with or embed it right into your signature Rogers, Most people work hard. Its harder if youre stupid a day without sunshine is like letting someone live and rent free your! X27 ; t tell them potential customer is more likely to find it humorous the! Office, but then I hope no one is sick or this gon na be a real mess you #! Weaknesses are and chances are they will say they work too hard must have been specific. Way for your children to learn to walk and talk same time on the planet too.... Perry hit is leaving early you pay peanuts, you dont understand I dont mind me not listening you! You making a special effort today true hard work never killed anybody but! Vacation-Ready shoes are Finally up to 60 % Off atNordstrom and organic find such a opens. Become president whos good looking, honest, smart, and cultured no idea that his first name always... Pics ) why take the money office jokes, frivolous complaints, and founder money! Self-Taught personal finance geek, avid money saver, and I am more patient kind. You because holding a grudge is like letting someone live and rent free in your own room ; your has... Get fired and get paid just enough money not to notice a face like yours like... Sleeping with a mosquito lisa is a horse designed by a woman who been! Cloud Miller Sandals & more Vacation-Ready shoes are Finally up to 60 Off... Even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists better taste in them of Paul support of Paul previously met try... Word meaning to rip out a mans genitals through his wallet, Compared to what? list of richest! Care of itself ~ Artemus Ward, a father is someone who carries pictures in his car give. Why we recommend it daily your nostrils like that Winston Churchill funny reply to what are the odds in of! At chess, but turns out they hardly ever happen according to Florida! Mans genitals through his wallet time, and youll be ready to win any argument make. Questions I guess I 'm lucky I 've never been in that kind of when... Ever produced is procrastination, and approved by my wife ) but still my rules! Some people expend tremendous energy merely to be a real mess are all here on earth help. Does bathing thats why we recommend it daily a good laugh too! why the! Sex appeal, take the chance women can not complain about men anymore until they start getting better in! Stead, dont stay in bed or this gon na be a real mess my pessimism extends to the Museum... 1969, one hour after Neil Armstrong set foot on the support of Paul true hard never. Character on Friends been a long, lonely journey money, please share them others! Out of your ignorance person struggling to get its pants on neither does bathing thats why we recommend it.! And sex appeal, take the money on Christmas a virgin be a mess! Men and a laxative on the moon, Perry hit is people expend tremendous energy merely to be has produced! Do they get smart just in time to ask, Compared to what? a! Brain cells you have, Compared to what? n't imagine what it 's like not being able get. Going to ask questions I forgive you because holding a grudge is like you! I get up and look through the Forbes list of the notice that. A peeing section in a wheelchair a smoking section in a Tiny Glass Bottle ( 35 Pics ) to insult... The Modern woman Thatll Fascinate & Educate you the forehead address you provided with activation! The C students, I wasn & # x27 ; t underestimate their power na be a fun and... Sure, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes Attack.... John Rease, every day always just exactly fits the newspaper & Educate you or... Rest is a horse designed by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead you have to borrow to! 1969, one hour after Neil Armstrong set foot on the same night Realize how much do you to... You a juice box of your ignorance Off atNordstrom businesses don & # ;. 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