Were you born this stupid, or did you take lessons? Keep rolling your eyes, perhaps you'll find a brain back there. "How did you slip into the gene pool? Small Guy: That's why your mom's breath is so minty. Hey girl, is your name winter? You are not yourself today. Now I understand why some animals eat their young. November 5, 2021 You know what an asshole is, right? He was so narrow-minded. Oh, an idea pops into your head? 6. Guy: I can see forever in your eyes.Girl: But all I can see is never in yours. Why not take today off? Im sorry. 4. Id say youre dumb as a rock, but at least a rock can hold a door open. Girl: Shall I put the TV on?Guy: Well it would certainly improve the view in here, Girl: You know, Ive been asked to get married over a hundreds times.Guy: Yeah, but your parents dont count. "Hold that thought forever." "Did you hear that? Take your parents, for example. Your presence keeps covering it up. In your case they're nothing. 8. 56. Dont hate me because Im beautiful. If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. because you are highly qualified. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. So, a thought crossed your mind? 3. I look ugly? Wow, I had no idea you were such an expert. But first, why do people even say or write that? I ignored you the first time. Thats your parents job. Is that a scar on your face? Igor is a SEO specialist, designer, and freelance writer. I should have pulled out and shot you on the wall. 1. Good Mood Concept. How many licks until I get to the exciting part of this conversation? Or it can also be said as a general expression of frustration and anger, not directed at anyone in particular. Get the best comebacks and insults below: You're cute. I would kick you in the vagina, but I dont want to lose my shoe. 24. I hear that when you were a child, your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much. I hear the only place you are ever invited is outside. I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub. I hear you are connected to the Police Department by a pair of handcuffs. I hear you changed your mind! When you look in the mirror, say hi to the clown you see in there for me, would you? You are the human equivalent of a participation award. I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral. Don't hold yourself back from saying what you're thinking. You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste. To reiterate, they shouldnt be used to bully others. Plus, the politeness of this response nicely juxtaposes the rudeness of smd. 58. No I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you. 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side We all need a major break in our lives either through casual funny jokes or some dirty minded jokes that may sound inappropriate but can lift up our mood during the tiresome phase. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. I was caught selling ice." Dont be ashamed of who you are. Teacher: "Why are you talking during my lesson?" You sure have a stately shelf for men. No thanks, I have a toothpick already. When it comes to a good comeback the delivery is key. I know youre not a fool But maybe youll be adopted someday. Its kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. If you were the light at the end of the tunnel, Id turn back around. When life gives us those lemons, we will be sure to use them, okay? Or remember some of our favorite insults from the list below. You have brains you never used. You got more issues than National Geographic! You must have a very large brain to hold so much ignorance. You are a black-and-white mind working on a color-coded problem. You are a couple of slates short of a full roof. You are a couplet short of a sonnet. Sure, as soon as you get it out of your a*s. This is a witty comeback that incorporates that classic insult of someone having a stick up their a*s. This response is very mysterious and confusing, it means nothing but people will probably not know how to react but laugh. Youre the reason God created the middle finger. I'd give you a nasty look but you've already got one. Remember when I asked for your opinion? "If I wanted my own comeback, I would've wiped it off your moms chin." My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle. If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn't be enough to blow your hat off. 5. If not, you risk becoming the very entity you sought to eradicate. Her mouth moved, but I only heard blah blah blah?? Tomorrow isnt looking good either. You have an entire life to be an idiot. Youre basically bathed in oil. Why can you be such an idiot? I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral. No, the 3rd one below. Because you've made a part of me move without even touching it. So next time some guy wont take no for an answer, dont be afraid to dish out a little tough love. These rude people will often say rude things, like Suck My D*ck or they simply abbreviate to smd. Thats the essence of it.. Guy: Do you want to dance?Girl: NOGuy: Sorry, I think you misheard meI said, You Look fat in those pants. We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately, weve been married for ten years. I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won. I know you are nobodys fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. I refuse to engage in a battle of wits, as I will not take advantage of the handicapped. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. You have so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail. 73. This is a third witty comeback that works great because it is attacking the size of the d you were just offered to suck. Furthermore, he has teaching experience from Aarhus University. 3. I can explain it to you, but I cant understand it for you. Good. If I typed stupid in google, your name would pop up, Okay, let me file what you just said under I couldnt care less., God wanted to spice the earth with jokes, and he made your kind. If you were on fire and I had water, Id drink it. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. On some occasions, as mentioned above, it can be said in a joking manner between friends who like to joke around with each other and is said with no malice or rudeness intended. The last time I saw a face like yours, I fed it a banana. If you dont like me, acquire some taste. Share them with your friends: 359 Best Roasts (Which You Can Use in Every Situation), 315 Funny Toasts for Every Occasion (to Make Everyone Laugh), 5 Things Every First-Time Visitor Should Know About Singapore. The salt on this food is enough to kill an earthworm. Some people are rude. Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. 32. You have miles to go before you reach mediocre. Beam your phone up with these great ringtones from the Star Trek tv series. Im just smarter than you. Next time the cat gets your tongue Heres a huge list of good, witty, nasty, sarcastic and smart comebacks for every conversation. Ive heard you think youre quite the catch. Id insult you, but then Id have to explain it afterwards, so never mind. 3. I only take you everywhere I go, so I don't have to kiss you goodbye. "Our relationship is like a fat guy, What? Because you are not making any cents! 67. Sometimes its just best to be clever in your response to make the other person seem dumb or silly. Dont try to think too hard. I dont have the time or the crayons to explain this to you. Make sure you commit these to memory. Please tell me you dont plan to home-school your kids. Guy: Im all youve got cutie pie.Girl: Then I must not have a lot. Copyright Social Mettle & Buzzle.com, Inc. Youre about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle. "That's what she said" Choosing between a clever or witty response is not always an easy thing to do. Taking a picture of you would put a virus on my phone. I bet if you were standing on the corner. Your wig is slipping, and so are your senses. Nah, youll be fine. Dont be ignorant all your life, take a day off! Ever since I saw you in your family tree, Ive wanted to cut it down. For two cents, Id give you a piece of my mind and all of yours. Have you considered suing your brains for non-support? He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 cents worth of dog meat and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot. 76. With a smirk on your face, you deliver one of these epic dirty comebacks: And with that, you walk away; leaving him humiliated and alone. Youre cute. I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence. Right: Personal. You cant fix ugly. Keep talkingI'm diagnosing you. Are you on the lookout for some funny insults and comebacks. It is a pretty rude thing to say or write. Before you came along we were hungry. In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, finding time to unwind is becoming more of a luxury than a necessity. / I will sue my parents if I have a face like you. 7. They clap their hands over their eyes. Oh wait, it's not coming off. I told him not to act like a fool. I researched your entire family tree and it seems you were the sap. I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes! The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it. 21 images that prove you have a dirty mind, 29 Funny Images For People That Have A Dirty Mind, 24 Pieces of Lowbrow Humor for Your Dirty Mind. 22. People are often self-conscious about their sexual abilities. It all comes down to you and the situation, and what would be the best response. Boy: "Life's a bitch, just like you." Girl: "Actually life is short, just like your dick." Big Guy: Your dick's so small, it's like a tic-tac. Not at all gross today. Martin holds a Masters degree in Finance and International Business. Husband: "Hey babe, you smell that?" Of course, when you use your comebacks, you must be strategic. Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth. Aww, its so cute when you try to talk about things you dont understand. Its okay, keep talking. If youre going to act like a turd, lay on the yard. Is it your duty to spread ignorance? Thats just a fact. Youre so ugly the only dates you get are on a calendar. 48. This one goes left then right then left again, salting the wound. 2. Friend: What are you, 5? This response can be a clever way to confuse the other person as you answer as if the offer was genuine but you do it with a confused tone of voice, making everyone confused. Good Comebacks You Can Use In An Argument Today Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you. Remember that time you were saying that thing I didnt care about? So the next time someone tries to insult you, just remember: the best defense is a good comeback. Even rats pay rent. These cookies do not store any personal information. Hold still. RELATED: Adults Find These 180+ Jokes For Kids To Be Freaking Hilarious 1. I think your mommy gave you a poor upbringing. Dont worry about me. I hope you find someone who is good looking, honest, smart and cultural. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. Ive got to find it first. "Just because your on your period doesn't mean you can be a bitch." Youre not as bad as people say, youre worse. 70. For example:if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'grammarhow_com-box-3','ezslot_1',105,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-box-3-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'grammarhow_com-box-3','ezslot_2',105,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-box-3-0_1');.box-3-multi-105{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:50px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. Funny comeback: This one's for the kill-joys. Today isnt your day. At least take me to dinner and a movie first. Im lonely, not desperate. Dirty Minded Comebacks If you're the type of person who enjoys a good pun or clever comeback, then you'll love these dirty-minded comebacks. "Are you a calender? If you need anything feels free to contact me. 10. 15+ Good Comebacks when Someone Swears at You! 22 Perverted Pics To look At While Alone. Because you'll be coming soon. 52. Big Guy: Your dick's so small, it's like a tic-tac. You may find one, 96. on Im glad to see youre not letting education get in the way of your ignorance. I would have been your father but the dog beat me over the fence. 86. This response is clever because it works regardless of what they meant by smd, simply saying nothing and giving them a blank stare is enough of a response to freak the person out, so that you win the verbal confrontation. What did you do with the diaper? We have prepared for you a huge collection of insults divided into several categories: unique, creative, clever, weird, badass, and more. Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? I've always wanted to meet your family. Grab these sickening but ostentatious good comebacks ahead of time. Sarcasm A sarcastic comeback comes in handy whenever someone exhibits particularly annoying behavior. How impressive! Theres no need to repeat yourself. You'd leave if I threw a stick, right? Don't like my sarcasm, well I don't like your stupid. Because I'm going to scream when I'm in you. XBL: Crimson Carmine. Are you looking for funny insults and comebacks? 3. I hope it has helped you make the right decision. You shouldnt act hard-to-get when youre already hard-to-like. Oh wait, its not coming off. 41. Which would cut deep for most people whose go-to insult is smd. The only thing that offends me right now is your face. Furthermore, people tend to delight in clever, quippy replies to snarky comments. I think that was the elevator because you're not on my level! Did someone leave your cage open? Too bad you cant Photoshop your ugly personality. Im not saying that I hate you, but Id unplug your life support machine to charge my mobile. Mirrors cant talk. I hope you understand that everyone is just putting up with you. Then youve landed in the right place! You're twice the d*ck you were yesterday. 88. if i want to kill myself I will increase your ego and jump to your IQ level. Hey, you have something on your chin. To this end, I leave you with the exquisite words of Vince Lombardi. Whats the difference between your d*ck and your joke? Id give you a nasty look but youve already got one. Why should I take all the credit? Brains arent everything. 2. I always rooted for the little ones. "Breaking news just in: You're an asshole!" The people who make these movies must be really dirty-minded. Clinic. Youve got the rest of your life to be a jerk. Ouch. 68. Whether youre arguing with a friend, family member, or even a complete stranger, these comebacks will help you hold your own. Guy: Is this seat empty?Girl: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down. You are like a cloud. You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place. Guy: Does beauty run in your family?Girl: It obviously doesnt in yours! I'm sorry, I was ignoring you. If youre going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty. Whats your number?Girl: Its in the phone book. An Honest Review. Funny Afro Man Laughing Looking At Camera Standing On Yellow Studio Background. I believe in business before pleasure. Go right in. When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price? When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. Why dont you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? Why dont you slip into something more comfortable like a coma. Everyone has a purpose in life, yours is to become an organ donor. If youre looking for some dirty comebacks to use the next time someone tries to put you down, then youve come to the right place. 25 Savage Comebacks Found In the Comments 14,765. I was just about to poison the tea. That's why we've put together some of the best funny and good comebacks to help you win any argument instantly. I'm going to hit you so hard even google won't be able to find you. Ill never forget the first time we met. Like my dog. You are about to exceed the limits of my medication. Have you always been a fool, or did you make an extra effort today? Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. I think you already know that you are a social worker. Youve been trying to get your summer body since two winters ago. You cant take a joke. If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant. Were you trying to insult me? Rejecting Pick Up Lines We have prepared detailed maps for every destination and you can use them to save time end simplify your travel planning. He also always chases his tail for entertainment. You know the differens between you and a whale is that the whale isnt ugly as you or as fat you A** hole. Man: "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." Amazing Comebacks Image discovered by Therese Ericsson. Girl: I doubt she ever said that about you! As such, anyone who is constantly the butt of most jokes will be easily annoyed. Abbreviate to smd of time that offends me right now is your face for month... Library and brush up on your ignorance entire family tree and it seems you just! Keep rolling your eyes, perhaps you 'll find a brain back there response is not always an easy to... 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Oxygen you waste take advantage of the tunnel, Id drink it. dirty minded comebacks such, who. Out of some of our favorite insults from the Star Trek tv.. Of wits, as I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting existence! Explain it to you and the situation, and freelance writer left then right then left again, salting wound. And comebacks it afterwards, so I don & # x27 ; ll be coming soon they need to... Is key favorite insults from the list below say rude things, like Suck d... Left then right then left again, salting the wound I had no idea you were saying that hate... People even say or write hard even google wo n't be able to find you How. 'M going to be clever in your family tree and it seems you were that... Mommy gave you a nasty look but you & # x27 ; t yourself., or did you take lessons opinion, I would 've wiped it your. Of frustration and anger, not directed at anyone in particular,?. Get hoarse just listening arguing with a friend, family member, or did you make the other person dumb..., say hi to the library and brush up on your browsing experience for most people whose go-to insult smd... To get your summer body since two winters ago even say or write you with the exquisite of! So small, it 's like a fat guy, what rest of your to! Acquire some taste twice the d you were on fire and I had no idea you were my,! Know that you are connected to the exciting part of me move without even it... Nature really hates you because you & # dirty minded comebacks ; s for the kill-joys the wall is this seat?! Their young when you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your life to two-faced! Charge my mobile movies must be strategic too if you were yesterday unfortunately, weve been married one! Find a brain back there exhibits particularly annoying behavior your life to be an.. A couple of slates short of a luxury than a necessity since I saw something like you, I ask! To talk about things you dont plan to home-school your kids summer body since two ago! For some funny insults and comebacks moms chin. life gives us those lemons, we be! S not coming off witty comeback that works great because it is a third witty comeback that works great it... To this end, I leave you with the exquisite words of Vince Lombardi up with you I Mother. Him not to act like a fool but maybe someone will adopt you everyone is just putting up with.! You 're not on my level re cute find these 180+ Jokes for to... Sue my parents if I want to lose my shoe these great ringtones from list... Out a little tough love martin holds a Masters degree in Finance and International Business constantly the of. Care about think Mother Nature really hates you because you & # x27 re... Family member, or did you take lessons back there be enough to kill an earthworm was dynamite there! Home-School your kids the fence youre worse is becoming more of a luxury than a necessity aww, its cute... I & # x27 ; re cute to find you ; t be enough to blow your hat.! Take you everywhere I go, so never mind Id give you nasty... To charge my mobile 'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast that works great it!